Friday, November 25, 2011

A new place, a new beginning

Addy's P.O.V.
It's been two years now that we have been living here in Hidden Springs. Two years since Anthony's death. I couldn't stay in Sunset Valley after. I couldn't stand to be there anymore without him. I wasn't the only one, a few of the kids took off to Twinbrook, others to Bridgeport. I fell into a depression for a quite a while, even now I still wear black every day, I focus on taking care of the kids without really thinking to take care of myself and I don't eat as much as I used to. I've gotten so thin it scares me at times,though I'd never say so out loud. Alissa worries too, when we moved here I found a therapist for her, a grief councilor. A few months ago she convinced me to start seeing him as well and I believe it has made a differenceToday is the first day that I haven't worn my wedding ring. I was never ready to take it off and then today I set it aside with my other jewelry when I took my morning shower and just didn't put it back on. I didn't plan, or make the couscous decision not to, I didn't even realize it until later. 
I told Alissa of the magick that runs in the Woodrow blood. Something that I had only just learned of myself not long before.. well you know. She has started studying magick and is equally dedicated to the religious aspects of spell craft ,proudly donning a pentacle upon her brow. As for me, I have visions,or I used to, in which I see into the past or future or into alternate realities or am visited by those who have passed. I realize I've never mentioned them in my blog before but I didn't know of how to bring it up. I first started having these visions and visitations as a child but they ceased as I got older and more closed minded to such things and eventually I forgot ever having had them. Then about ,maybe, four years ago, I started having them again and eventually the memories of them as a child returned as well. It was still awhile after my vision returned that I learned of the magick in the family and that it is their source,most of my relatives don't know.  Each night I sleep hoping to find myself in "The Realm" and that Anthony might appear to me in visitation but it has not happened ,alas I have not had a vision of any sort since losing him. I secretly worry that the memories of them will once again fade.
My days are routine, I wake,shower and tend to my small garden. 
Then I wake Andrew and we go for a walk.
I usually let him decided were our walk takes us.
Sometimes we just stroll along.
Others we have a set detestation.
This day we headed to the park which, as Andrew was all to happy to point out, happened to have an ice cream truck sitting in front of it. 
I sat on the side and watched him play well into the evening before heading home.
When we got home Alissa read him a story and put him to bed.

The next morning I left Andrew with Alissa and took an early walk with my good friend Ashby Lemi who had flown in for a visit.
Ashby - So,how have you been? I haven't seen you since...
Addy - Since the funeral.
Ashby - Um, yeahI can't believe it's been two years.
Addy - Neither can I. I'm doing alright I guess.
Ashby - It gets easier. Really. I know, having your children with you makes it easier. Have you given any though to continuing your challenge?
Addy - What?! No, Of course not. Why would I?
Ashby - Because as I said having your children around you helps, and because you wanted to be a challenge mother since you were a little girl, long before I ever met you,which was well before he did. 
I just looked at her silently.
Ashby - You did the challenge with him because you didn't want to give it up because of him.
Addy - That was different, I didn't to give up doing the challenge to be with him but,though I've never admitted it, if he had wanted me to I would have. 
Ashby - Exactly, but he agreed to do it with you, because he didn't want you to give it up for him anymore then you did. He knew how much doing the challenge meant to you. 
Addy - Where are you going with this?
Ashby - It was hard for me to continue my challenge after Connery died but I knew it was what he wanted for me. When I lost my kids and I married Asher I almost gave up a second time but I didn't.
Ashby - It was hard but ultimately I know it was the right choice.
Addy - For you. It was the right choice , for you. But Ash, I'm not you. 
Ashby - Just think about it. Alright?
Addy - We'll see.

That night we all sat around the fire pit.
I had stepped away and was playing with Andrew.
Ashby - You're sure you want to give that up?
Addy - What?
Ashby - . Alissa's going to be a YA soon enough and even though she won't have to move out with you not doing the challenge, she will most likely want to then it won't seem like very long at all until Andrews grown and gone as well. And are you ready from him to be your last child?

The next morning I hugged her goodbye as she left to return home.
Ashby - I'm sorry if I've been coming across as being very pushy but I really just want whats best for you. Promise me you'll think about it?
Addy - I'll think about it.
And I did, I thought about and I decided I would do it, if I could find the right guy to start off with. I wanted someone I knew or at least knew I could trust, he would have to be single , preferably with unique genetics and attractive. Then I realized I knew a man that fit that description perfectly.

I asked him to meet me at the little park near the house, which is not the same one I took Andrew to just so you know.
This time I did actually make the decision not to wear my ring and couldn't help staring at my hand as I hung up the phone.

Man - Adella?
 Much as I love it ,I always felt like Addy was a little kid nickname, since most of my friends had known me since I was a little kid I never stopped using it, but when I move here I took the opportunity to start using my full name
Addy - Dr. Peters. I'm glad you're here.
Dr. Nathan Peters, my councilor, that I mentioned before. 
Dr. Peters - You look different. I never seen you in colors before.
Addy - So do you, not dressed for the office I guess.
We both laughed for a moment.
DrPeters - Why did you want to see me?
Addy - Lets sit down.
Addy - I wanted to ask you something and also to tell you I most likely be seeing you as a patient.
Dr. Peters - May I ask why?
Addy - I've mentioned before that I used be a 100 baby challenge mother and, well, a friend of mine visited recently and she convinced me to start doing it again. So I wanted to ask if you would be a father in my challenge? I wanted the first father to be someone I know and trust and I thought of you.
Dr. Peters - Adella, I don't know what to say, to be honest from the way you talked about it I suspected you would eventually want to continue your challenge. I'm honored, I always wanted a child,as you know I never had the chance with OliviaYou should probably call me Nathan.
 He thought it would help me if I felt as though we had common ground. So I know that Olivia was his wife who had died in a car accident along with her sisterHe actually became a grief councilor because of it. He found, in talking to the sisters husband, that what most helped him to deal with is lose was helping others with theirs.

Addy -  Thank You, Nathan, um my house is just up that side of the hill.
Dr. Peters - Mine is just as close,the other side. In case you don't want to do this with your kids around. 
Addy - Oh, I didn't think of that. Yes I suppose that would be better.
So we went to his house.

Arriving back home a short time later I started to cry. 
I'd never been with anyone but Anthony before and even with him gone being with someone else, I felt a bit guilty. Even though I believed it was the right choice it still felt wrong.
After calming my self I had to rush to the bathroom.

A few days later I decided I should age up Andrew. 
Looking at him I gasped and again almost cried.
He looked just like Anthony.
Of course it was then that baby seventeen decided to make it self known. 
I told Alissa.
Alissa - I'm going to have a little sister.
Addy - Why do you think its going to be a girl?
Alissa - Because I want it to be.
Addy - No spells.
She just looked at me like I was crazy.

The next day I called a realtor, when we first moved here I had not intention of having more children so this nice three bedroom was perfect but now with a baby on its way and more to come I'll need more room.
I helped Andrew with his homework after his first day.
Alissa had reading to do and took my seat while I went to make dinner.

The next day my back was bothering me so I went to get a massage at the spa.
I decided to head to the pool in the back afterwards.
As it got dark and I got out to head home the baby kicked and I smiled. I was truly glad Ashby had talked me into this, she was right. Things will never be the same as they used to be and I'll never be the same but this is the first time I am truly starting to feel like my self. 

When I had the baby I decided on a home birth.
Alissa was right,shes a girl.
Meet baby #17, Nicki McKnight named after my friend Nicki Cranford.

The new house. 
After getting everyone settled in and doing my traditional post birth makeover,changing my hair,I called Nathan and invited him over to meet his daughter.
Addy - Here she is.
Nathan - Whats her name?
Addy - Nicki.
Nathan - Hello my sweet little Nicki.